State of the Mid Life Woman's Mind

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too." Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?" In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin. Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? Thanks for the reminder Mary. :/